Jun 21 2009
Mistakes and Happiness
Life continues in a wave of such unfamiliar progressions, so many situations arise with solutions which appear to be nonsensical, while even though many seem to be predictable, there are so many which can never be forseen.
I’m unsure what changes are taking place inside of myself, but I can say that I am focusing much less on the negative aspects to life, and rather redirecting my attention toward the good. Perhaps this change is temporary, but I’d be idiotic to welcome it with anything but open arms.
I don’t really make a lot of mistakes, at least mistakes regarding romance. I have. Be them small, or large, whether they are bigger, or smaller than hers, they are there. This is untracked territory, like some distant mountain, snow covered in the southern atmosphere, where I’m completely underdressed and drastically lost. Many would say mistakes in a relationship are relative to what the other person has done. Many would say this means I should not feel much sorrow, that this shows her how it feels, etc., but I believe this is naive and ignorant.
Regardless of her mistakes, which I will be the first to point out, I also made mistakes. The psychological pitfall to not making many mistakes is that when they arise, one is unsure how to deal with them. Perhaps they are so small that the relationship will ride over it, like speed bump in an endless parking lot of potential, for the other possibility is not one which my heart wishes to fathom.
Can two make so many combined mistakes, yet still come out on top? Well, I suppose that answer is obvious, is it not? Can a basketball team win after making many mistakes early on? Can a poker player win a hand after making a few bad plays? Yes, it is possible. It is, however, less likely and much more difficult.
I wonder if her mistakes have ceased to exist, or if she is still digging through his messages out of jealousy and some nostalgic longing for that which was never truly good in the first place. My heart pulls toward the former rather than the devastating alternative which rests next to it on this computer screen.
My mistakes have ended, though they were minor and simple to fix. So what it comes down to is… Can we be happy? I think so. I hope so. However, the conditions are fairly simple, yet paradoxically complex. The simplicity lies in the exterior of the situation, for what it means at face value- no more mistakes. The complexity lies in the interior, can she learn to let go of a past which prods her every move?
Is happiness the next unpredictable bend in the road, or will there be an accident before it is reached? I think I’m a good enough driver to take the risk, and I think she is too.
You’re writing has come a long way. You are talented.