Dec 28 2008
An Early Night
I wish I could leave everything I know and never come back. Fear paralyzes, pain kills. I can’t move as I feel a deadly serum seeping through my blood. Every movement hurts, every thought plunges me deeper into the darkness. Where is my light?
Why is love so closely related with pain? Is life truly this miserable, or is it simply what I’ve turned it into. But alas, I find my chance at happiness, and I feel as if the foundations are crumbling beneath my feet. I feel so unstable. One moment I’m ecstatic, the next in tears; what the fuck is wrong with me?
I never want to be a secret again. I never want to be the boy on the side. I never want to be lied to. Most of all, I never want to be hurt. Why are these things too much to ask for? Do I bring it on myself, or is life truly just this unbearable?
An Elliot Smith CD playing in my ear, blankets tightly wrapped around the skeleton of my body, and I feel fear. The undeniable creature which plagues each of our minds, eating away at everything else until it takes over. I want her to come back, I don’t want it to take over. I think to myself that I’m being too personal, that no one will understand what I am saying, but the more I think the more my thoughts differ. Maybe I’m not the only one… Maybe, just maybe, everyone feels this way.
