Oct 23 2008
Decided
An old man sits upon his deathbed, a few final breaths filling his lungs with air and a few heartbeats pumping the blood through his body. His eyes close. I am dying.
He looks back upon the life he had. He fell in love, took a chance on it, and lost himself. So, everything he had left, he put onto sheets of paper. He turned his emotions into words, his friends into characters, his enemies into protagonists, and his life into one large setting. In doing this, he took a chance, and lost everything else. A loveless life, many would say. A failed life. One full of heartbreak and misplaced gambles.
I tried for the two things I loved in life, and neither proved profitable, he thought to himself as his heart began to lose strength. I end it here with no one on my side, nothing to my name, and a heart which has stopped beating long ago.
The man drew one final breath, and said “But my life has been worth living.” He smiled, knowing in his head that the man who dies with nothing after trying for everything has so much more to rejoice for than the one who tries for nothing. His breathing stopped, and with a small smile on his face, the man died alone, itemless, and happy.
This is a start. It will be redone and rewritten and edited and such as a later blog post… I just needed to get my emotions down as a start. This is what I’m trying to say…
Writing is who I am. When I shut my eyes and imagine my life, I see a book. Not med school, not law school, simply a book. Maybe I will be a failure, maybe I won’t. Maybe I’m destined for greatness, maybe I’m not. But I am going to find out.
Fuck my philosophy teacher. I am going to be a writer.
